my new song.

and so i hate you.

2005-10-25T21:05:00.000+08:00

its time to say it, its time to say it.

goodbye.

they are

2005-10-11T20:32:00.000+08:00

they are all the same.

i will get drunk
staying in that world
where i could dare do things that i fear of.

i am.

more than words.

2005-10-08T19:46:00.000+08:00

went chinablack yesterday.
great party.
great pretties.
great fun.
great amount of injuries.

missing her all night.
doubt the thinking that she would realise that i am missing her.
i'm jus afraid to let her know.
too afraid.

Saying I love you
Is not the words
I want to hear from you
Its not that i want you not to say
But if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel

yeah thats simple.
i am asking for something that you may not give.
there are responsibilities that are meant only for you to carry.
of course i have mine too.
but do you see jus how simple it is for me to trust that girl i love so much,
jus that little thing that she would do,
that little help that she would give.
she chose to ignore.

the girl i love so much, is the one whom i am very much afraid to love.
if only she knew.
its still her.

i miss her.

More than words
Is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
that you love me, yeah
Cause I already know.

What would you do
If my heart was torn in two?
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say
If i took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying
I Love You

Now that I've tried to
Talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is
Close your eyes and just reach out your hand
And touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go

past.
i guess.
things are made clear by her.
i abide by them.
i promised.

how life can jus fuck me up real good.-grins-

2005-09-15T20:23:00.000+08:00

sat of last week, i went shoppang!
sun of last week, shoppang again.
meet up with tiffanyy and her boyflen.=]
her boyflen is cute lar.
blahs..
played pool, went home late.

monday of this week, hmm...thinks..
met yuxin after work.
with pup of course.
slack.
tuesday of this week, meet up with wenny and dee.
-smiles-
dee, i will have to meet you to get my band back yea?
wednesday of this week, chinablack.
wahahaar.
with pretty brendaaa,pup,apple,huizhen,caroline.
-grins grins-
dance all night with pretties of course.
pup and me sure did enjoy the company of those malay girls.
they dance real good and real hot.
okay...slept really late for these few days, and yar...i need to go hug my bed real tight now.
roars-

oh so nice.

my life.

2005-09-08T22:04:00.000+08:00

its been two months.-o7o905.

i 'm going on still fine, i guess.

went clubbing with my kimage friends.
got to know more people.
got real high.
dance all night.

thats all.

broken dreams.

2005-09-06T20:24:00.000+08:00

ni ting de dao-jaychou
8.28pm.

stares-

must get out-maroon 5
8.32pm.

last week.
friday- kboxed
sat- town,shopping.
supposed to go liquid room, but last minute...clare and toh decided to back out. -.-
met my beautiful soul.
blahs.
heard her voice.

boulevard of broken dreams-green day.
8.36pm.

smiles-

smiles.

its a no way.

2005-08-15T20:04:00.000+08:00

how long is my lifetime?
just how long will it be.
my soul is gone.
there is nothing in me still.
I thought I wouldn't take long.
but I am wrong, I realised.
its still in me.
she is still in me.
my thoughts.
my dream.
my heart.
I tried liking another.
but i realised I cant.
I still end up loving my soul more.
she is beautiful.
that is her to me.

look at me now.
tell me what you guys see.
I hope its still the dau you all know.

if i were to die young, burn me the pictures of my love, my beutiful soul.
play those songs I danced to.
play those songs i used to dance with my baby.
flashback me with memories.
take one last look at me, then...
let me go in flames.
jus let me live in memories.

I may be gone,
somewhere near you, i can be guarding you forever.
like the four guarding stars around the orion.
i miss you.

meaningless.
is life.
i realised.

getting my mind of you.

2005-07-15T10:45:00.000+08:00

its been a week already .

i've been working and working.

changing my schedule.

i shall work night.

its a torture for me everynight.

lying on the living rom floor, watching tv.

so work at night should do me good.

well, my dream came true.

you are a stranger to me now.

i'll give you wat you want.=]

crucify my love, if my love is blind

crucify my love, if it sets me free

never know, never trust

that love should see a colour

crucify my love, if it should be that way

swing the heartache, feel it inside out

when the wind cries, i'll say goodbye

tried to learn, tried to find

to reach out for eternity

where is the answer?

is this forever?

like a river flowing to the sea

you'll be miles away and i will know

i know i can deal with the pain

no reason to cry

till the loneliness shadows the sky

i'll be sailing down and i will know

i know i can clear clouds away

oh is it a crime to love?

swing tthe heartache, feel it inside out

when the wind cries, i'll say goodbye

tried to learn, tried to find

to reach out for eternity

where is the answer?

is this forever?

if my love is blind

crucify my love, if it sets me free.

never know, never trust

that love should see a colour

crucify my love....if it shoud be that way..

//i'mblindinsaneintheredofsilencenowi'velostyourlove.

[this blog shall be left untouched for a long time. dauser will be back soon. =]

my love.

2005-07-09T04:42:00.000+08:00

read your friendster profile.

that little note, who is it for.

it couldn't be for me i guess.

cause' I wouldn't bear to go missing on you. I wouldn't.

but i guess, watever i am wondering, it doesn't matter anymore.

I once wish under the orion

that is for you to be happy always.

now, once again, under the sky where now the orion has been hiding for a long time,

i am sending this wish up again.

all i need to know is that you are happy and safe.

thats all.

am contented.

i guess you still want to run free.

that's why i decided to let you go for good this time.

i don't want you to feel tied down.

to feel unhappy.

so run my love.

you are freed.

remember that you told me that you wouldnt be mean to me after we are really over?

if using the excuse that i am tying you down, i don't mind.

whatever you say about me, if you feel its that way, go ahead and blame me all you want.

its alright.

all i know is that i've tried, so hard that i 've reached my peak.

i did my part to keep you safe.

i did my part to protect you.

i did my part to stand up for you.

i did my part to be there for you when you needed someone then.

but what i did not fufil is that I failed to trust in you and give you that happiness.

i'm sorry.

now that you are free, no one will be there to control you.

so now, i will look at you run away free from a view far away.

looking at your backview, until it disappear.

then i will walk the other way.

this time not looking back at what lies behind me.

cause i know, only memories will be left after your footsteps.

nothing else.

and i know, you will be long gone before i know it.

i'm leaving it all behind.

I will miss the voice that calls me baby.

i will miss the voice that calls me laogong.

i will miss the voice that accompany me through everynight of everyday.

i will miss the voice that always revolves around me when i am watching tv with you.

i will miss loving you.

a lifetime is not for us to keep.

cause i know it will never come.

this time its really over, i will walk, and never turn back, this courage i finally mastered.

this song, its for you and me.

one last moment

I never could imagine, life without you

From the moment you walked into my world

Never knew how long a loving flame could burn

But losing you has forced me to learn

That we can't change the way we feel inside

And every try at love never turns out right

We both know it's better if we just let it go

So let's have

One last kiss

One last touch

One last tender moment between us

One last dance

To our first song

While pretending there's nothing wrong

Let's stay here for awhile and

Cherish every moment we're in denial

We both know

Its better if we just let it go

Everytime I try to take a stand at all

I see your face again and

I fallIn the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose

The smell of your perfume

I suppose

But we can't change the way we feel inside

And every try at love never turns out right

We both know it's better if we just let it go

So let's have

One last kiss

One last touch

One last tender moment between us

One last dance

To our first song

While pretending there's nothing wrong

Let's stay here for a while and

Cherish every moment we're in denial

We both know

Its better if we just let it go

Baby if we met each other under a different sky

Maybe then things would be much better between you and I

We could always hold on to this one special thing we share

But it would be too much for us to bear

We both know

It's better if we just let it go...

imaynotbetheoneyoulovemost.

imaynotbetheonethatisthemostimportanttoyou.

butyouareindeedtheoneIlovedmost.

AndInow,thankgodforlettingmeloveyouforthisonceinalifetime.

lettingyougoishardandtorturing.

butifthisiswhatittakesforyoutofeelbetterandhappy,

iwilltry.

causeiknowiamnotabletogivethemtoyou.

iamtrying.-dauser-

23 / 07

The End

-end of story about you(babywifey*07)and me(babyhubbie*23)-

I have something to say.

2005-07-07T17:15:00.000+08:00

we have been quarrelling for the past few days.
know why?
cos insecurities is getting into me again.
its like, things have happened before, and its natural for me to be fearing that they might happen again.
its natural.
anger and madness is jus the mixed feeling of this fear.
expressed out this way.
this is the way i am.
you can do it to other people, the thought went through me was that, you might also do the same to me.
cos i am no longer that important person in your life.
you can treat me the same way as anybody else.
its alright if you dont tell me you miss me.
its alright if you dont tell me you love me.
cause i dont know if you still do.
things have changed.
different.
i dont expect any.

reading through your past blog.
your that private blog.
all the things you wrote.
how scared you are when thought of me leaving you comes to you.
how you would tear when you had a dream of me leaving you.
how you would tell me you love me in your blog.
how you dont want me to leave your life.
how you would be touched when you read my little invasion.
the lifetime that you said you want to spent with me.
how you would call me baby, babyhubbie and laogong.
seems to me, now only left me blogging for you.
it is.
all these seems to mean nothing to me now.
you told them to another person.
it means nothing.
all the sweetness is gone.
i am no longer sweet to you.
there is no more sweetness.
now, i am the one dreaming of you leaving me, waking up in tears.
but i know, one day, things will happen, you will leave me again.
because i know, a lifetime is not for you and me.
present is what i treasure now.
thats all.

//iloveagirlnamedtiffany. butiamnolongerthatsweetlittlehubbieinhereyesanymore.
tearsareshedforyoumylove*

i dont think you will be able to read this. but even if you could, i dont think it will have any thing on you. you will no longer cry for the sweetness.
i know. you are not the gurl i loved so deeply before.
i'm taking things easy now. or maybe trying. cause i know....-silence-

I am going psycho.

2005-06-25T20:59:00.000+08:00

I opened my eyes, and try to see but I am blinded by the white light.
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound
but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

bad move.

2005-05-30T03:26:00.000+08:00

hmmm....i think i made a very wrong move.
but... hmmm...
things that matters a lot to me in the past, seems to have nothing on me now.
yupp...
immune to them i guess.
someone once told me, once the past gets her, that's it.
and its a fact.

in front of me, i see the path that i will be walking through.
I know what I will be going through i guess.
every heartache makes me grow a little and learn a little.
from this heartache, I learnt a lot.
I learnt how to look at things form a different view.
take things easy now.

I dun know if you are really happy now.
I just get these feeling that all the laughter, behind them, behind every smile,
there is still heartache.
I didn't want you to get rid of memories because I know you will hurt even more.
that by getting rid of them, you are just running away.
I want you to face them instead,
one day, when you face them, that is when you are really moving on.

"memories are always remembered in a good light"

one last moment between us.

2005-05-06T23:49:00.000+08:00

I never could imagine, life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for awhile and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
Its better if we just let it go
Everytime I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose
But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for awhile and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
Its better if we just let it go
Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear

We both know
It's better if we just let it go...

think.

2005-04-30T00:03:00.000+08:00

its been going on.
struggling.
then drown.
brought to shore.
stood up.
walked away alone.
dun wanna look back to look at the sea that took my life once.

.............

fucked up, fuck off, fuck it all.

2005-04-29T23:53:00.000+08:00

yea yea.
life is like fuck.
I am fucking hell tired of every fucking little thing that is happening around my fucked up life.
I carved half of wat i am going to tatto on my fucking hand.
its fucking cool.
why did i fucking hell do that?
cos i fucking like the feeling.
yea yea.
see blood coming out like fuck.

i am fucking going crazy.
someone send me to the fucking hospital and let me die there alone.
i fucking hell beg someone to do so.
fuck love.
fuck world.
fuck life.
fucking piece of shit.

*//leave me alone, i am fucking hell sinking into depression again. trying hard to kill myself, to relieve myself from anguish and sadness this world gave me. love. fucked up word.
all i can do, is to shut up and accept the fucked up piece of crap.
what is the point?

I wanna cry.

2005-04-22T01:23:00.000+08:00

I wanna cry.
I really wanna cry.

-breaking down-

I cant feel myself.

2005-04-22T01:00:00.000+08:00

things change.
time changes things.
I show nothing.
I tell myself i feel nothing towards the changes.
this is life.
I realise.
I understood.
I learnt.
I grew.
the truth about me now,
I am messed up inside.
I thought I can't feel.
I am hurting.

things have changed.

I'm lost.

you are my life, my soul, my gurL.

2005-04-18T03:07:00.000+08:00

I love you.
and never stopped loving you at all.
that is all i know.
I made myself to move on.
But I found myself staying put at where you left me.

whether you are worth it or not,
its not up to you to say.
cos I am the one who made the choice to love you.

its waiting to go back to its owner.

2005-04-17T20:11:00.000+08:00

something on me.
something in me.
will it all be good?

pup, boy loves you.

till the end.

2005-04-15T02:23:00.000+08:00

this song.

made me cry then.

and it still does now.

why is tears flowing.

tell me.

its been a long time.

4 732559 6477 968.

288 7663844647 273 238837 5338 867243.

the song is going on the repeat mode.

tears are flowing non stop.

its been long.

this is the truth.

the truth of me and you.

a world once created,

but now........

hear this song.

2005-04-14T21:43:00.000+08:00

alicia's blog.

that song.

my friend once let me hear.

at that very moment she left me.

tears flowed at that time..

now that i hear this song once again,

I allowed tears to flow again...

like water vapour, pieces of me vanished into thin air.

2005-04-14T21:16:00.000+08:00

sunshine.
woke up with a fever.
my mum?
didn't even care to bring me see a doctor.
dun always take mc.
stuff me with two fucking panadols.
alright, fine i go to work.
who cares about me getting sick anyway.
at night, went to chinablack as usual.
my whole body is aching.
I jus wish at that point i can jus faint and die.
went into chinablack with a bunch of kimage peeps.
the fast way.
free entrance without having my id check.
yeah yeah.
had fun.
my bartender got work!!
she upstairs at the pool table there.
this fucking jerk, fucking hell piss me off.
this is wat i hate about guys.
yeah yeah.
my fucking knee is like swollen.
cant stand for long.
ahh..
wat the heck.

tiff and the others are there.
ian?
with my kimage friends singing ktv.
now is her friends.
now that she got friends,
i will leave without a word and sink into the depressed world of mine.

i am tired.
really tired.

968 538 63 5669 766384464 86329,

4 587 764533 86 897353.

4 6477 968 866, 288 487 2378 86 23 5338 8656696.

//everything is impossible now. I won't let my heart be melted again. I hate this world. I am a sinner.

confused.

2005-04-12T11:19:00.000+08:00

monday,11 of april 2005

got woken up by dee at 11.32am.
the moment i picked up the phone, she kept going on and on.
okayy..that woke me up.
hmmm....
met her and ian around 1 plus at bugis.
oh oh ..
went to bugis street, but many shops were not opened yet..so..went to eat first.
then..i got this feeling that my dreamgirl is working at chapter two.
so we decided to walk pass.
saw her!!!
ahhh!!!!
damn happy.
went to the foodcourt to eat.
then went back to bugis street.
visit rayne.
bought a shirt after discount at 10 bucks only.
thanks to dee.
hahaa.
then..we headed down to town.
rain.
went play pool with dee.
ian went to use com.
yuppyupp.
yu xin come back le!
dee say she is freaking hot and pretty larr.
slack around in town with yuxin,dee,claud and ian.
took neoprints.
met ellen, apple and mabel.
took neos again.
home.

hmmm...somethings happened yesterday.
i'm confused and scared.
perhaps i made a choice that i may regret.
but, i know i will hurt someone if i didn't made that choice.
i'm jus scared and tired that's all.

tuesday,12 of april 2005

woken up by dee once again at 10.48am.
and here i am blogging.

i swear there is something wrong with stomach.
after every meal, i feel like vomitting out everything.
*pukes*

chinablack on friday anyone.
i miss my bartender.

i went psycho at 12.02pm

dancing all night long in the arms of an angel

2005-04-10T00:09:00.000+08:00

okayyy..
yesterday went chinablack again.
yupp!
damn happy!
the bartender got work!!!!
hahaha..
went to toilet first, saw her.
*woot*
hahaha.
okay..
drank lots.
got drunk.
its been a long time since i got this drunk.
said somethings to someone which i should not.
"sorry little one"
did some things which i dun do when my mind is clear.
hmmm...
like getting the bartender's number..
hee.

puked.
toilet.
the carpet at the entrance.
outside the entrance.
wee.
*doggie left behind trademarks*

hmm...
now now.
my target.
bartender.
door lady.

i went psycho at 12.37am.

life is screwed up for me.

2005-04-08T01:07:00.000+08:00

yupp.
went cheenablack yesterday again.
with my pup, and ma kimage peeps.
got..apple,ellen,mable,huizhenand penny.
yupp yupp.
and audrey is there too.
hmm...pretttyy prettyy babe.
had fun.
glad that ian had fun too.

hmmm...
some things happened again.
this gurl..came up beside me,
asked me if i wanna dance with her.
so yupp..said okay of cos.
hahaha..
my pup was jealous..
cause...she has been eyeing her le.
hahaha.
sorry arr.
but pup won.
i got the gurl's no.
we msg together..but she msg pup first.
hahaha
watever larr.
not my type anyway
"love is short..and I am flirting it"
happy happy ian.
hmm...she wasn't feeling good yesterday.
worried for her larr
then, she called me around 3.21am.
damn shocked.
we talked talked.
talked crap...
until around 4plus when i got into the cab.
yupp..
*smiles*

//86 more freeking days.

silent whisper.

2005-04-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

it has been 19 days.
i look up at the sky everyday.
in the day, dark clouds fill the otherwise blue empty picture.
at night, the sky is tearing blood.

it has been 19 days.
19 days without stars filling up the once beautiful sky at night.

here i am, whispering into the heart of someone special...
letting her know that things will be fine..
but this, a silent whisper, is never meant to be heard.

a few moments ago,
i took out pieces of paper filled with words.
read it.
i jus smiled.
regrets.
but pointless for me to be.

fine in the day.
sinks into depression inthe night.
but when daylight surface,
i will soon be alright.

its going to rain again.
am i am getting scared and cold.
i am suffering the aftermath.

I lived a life and dreamed a dream
and loved the life you lived with me,
then in a whisper of a breath,
you left,
and then I died a death.

its all over now.
uncle sun will be out soon to give me warmth that i lost from her touch.
i hope.
its going to be alright.
i am going to be alright.

//i am playing with the knife that is playing with my flesh.

i went psycho since the 19 of march.

simple life.

2005-04-05T00:14:00.000+08:00

DMNchoir got a gold for their syf this year once again.
*claps claps*

hmm....
today woke up around 11 plus.
slack a bit before getting ready to go out.
supposed to pick dee up from work..
but i was a little late.
so met her and jenny at coffeebean.
slack there..
they are talking about their poly entry stuff...
went to the bank.
dee made her school fees payment i think.
then head down to town.
cos she needs to go for a medical checkup larr.
but then....
fucking packed with people..
so so..
she decided to go tml instead..
hmmm...slacked around town for a while..
headed down to ps.
catch a movie with jenny.
*smiles*
the girl damn pretty right jenny darling?
lol.
new found darling.
hahaha.
dee went home early.
hmmm...
you will be fine, teacher here will train you.
*beams*
today is very simple.
had fun.

//this is the kind of life that i classified as simple.

4/1/05, friday.

2005-04-04T01:01:00.000+08:00

went cheenablack.
damn nice place.
went with ian,brenda and saw audrey!!
hahaha..someone whom i had a little crush on way back.
environment was great.
had great fun.
the bartender is cute and prettyy larr..
hmm...
enjoyed big time.
oh ya ya.. there is this gurl..who came up and daance with us, placed her hand on my waist larr..
pretty..but too tall for me..
when i helped her down, she hold on to my hand larr..
eat my 'tofu'.
hahaha..
and then that brenda is like telling me that they are going to get my number bla bla...

ian..wait for me k.
another 90 more days and i will officially turn 18.
wee!! we shall go chiong the whole of singapore.
go and pao mei mei together..
man...i miss my pup.

//my life has changed. a summer without you. I am still living on.

to you*-once so special, and wil always be.

2005-04-04T00:53:00.000+08:00

to you*:

read your blog.
throughout this relationship, i truelly meant watever i said.
she didn't mean anything more than a friend when i was with you,and won't be anymore.
I didn't have the time to do stuff for you like cooking.
not that i mean to break my promise.
not like i won't.
hmmm...doesn't matter now anyway.
glad to know that she is treating you good.
I made a choice to let you go.
because i know you will be happier with her.

now, i can really thank god for at least letting me love you..
I leave the fate of us being friends to you.

-dauser-

Ever free.

2005-04-01T01:28:00.000+08:00

It was a bright day.
On your peaceful face
I layed a chain of white flowers.
Beautiful things are sometimes sad things.
I sense the farewell that has been long coming.

I break out of the black line and look upwards,
thinking of the sky I once saw.

How far away will you go?
Is it so far that you can never come back?

I want to see you but I can't
at least you can tell me.
I won't forget ay of the final tears you gave me.

happy today.

2005-04-01T00:52:00.000+08:00

weee!!!
damn happy today...
cos....
she smiled at me!!!!
haaa!!!
my face turned red red larr..
my heart almost jumped out..
hahhaa..
omg ..
*smiling to myself*

hahahaha...
hahhahahha....

ian!
i am ur boyboy for as long as you want me to.
you are really good to me.
I lub lub you pup!

-dau-

pointless.

2005-03-24T09:38:00.000+08:00

"to me, i rather talk face to face with my love one,
rather than a phone conversation.
because then, i can bring close to me and hug her real tight.
and tell my baby, that everything will be fine beacause i am here.
I am here for her to cry to.
here for her to bite me.
do anything to me that will make her feel better.
imtimacy.
touch.
a real hug rather than a virtual one.
an expression to show the love and care for her."

"to me many gestures that mean nothing actually meant a lot to her.
I jus realised that i have hurt her a lot.
and that is the day i realised i dun deserve her at all." 23/03/05

"no point trying explain why i made the gesture.
no point explaining why i shouted at you.
its really not because pj. i told you the reason take it or leave it.
no point in doing anything now."

" I ask you not to cry, because i know i cant even go over to hug you.
i am afraid you will push me away.
saw tears welling up your eyes, i really want to go over and hug you real tight.
i ask you not to cry, not because i want to stop you from crying to me.
i really wanted to go over and hug you yesterday, but you ran to your ex instead.
i know i wil not be the one to hug you when you cry again.
i know i have hurt you."

i am letting you go.
and i hope this is not the kind of simple life you ask for.
but, as long as you are happy, i will say nothing.
i will nothing at all.
not going to say anything.
you are not coming back.
enough said.

now,icanonlyhugyouinmydreams,kissyouinmydreams,andtellyouthatiloveyouinmydreams.
thats why i hope to sleep forever.
memories-

lost.

2005-03-22T00:51:00.000+08:00

we haven break up.
i'll wait.

baby, i jus want you to know
i am always here for you only.
you asked me not to let you go.
you hope that i will call you mine for a lifetime.
i can do all these.
i love you.
no one else will be loved by me this much.
i didn't mean to push you away.
i didn't mean anything.
i am really sorry.
you mean too much to me.
i miss you.
i'll wait.
even if the ending is not wat i hope would be,
i will walk away.
and be thankful that at least you let me love you.
let me feel in heaven even for jus a short while,
i am contented.

iloveyou. youaretheonlygirlieverlookedintohereyesand say"iloveyou"

youmakemewannaholdyouinthemiddleofthenight.

2005-03-15T12:57:00.000+08:00

sometimes its jus this feeling that will take me down,
make me think,
make me wonder.
my heart jus wonder,
then ache,
as thoughts of you leaving comes over me.

i am not going to tie you tight.
cos the king says that it might backfire.
i know,
no matter how hard i try to keep you by my side,
if you were to leave me one day,
then it will be.

but,
rest assured..
i will get you back with all i can.
i will not let you go.

baby..
i really love you alot.
the thought of you leaving is torturing.
scary.

when i say i want to spend my whole life with you,
i mean what i say.

iloveyou with all i have.
i will protect you all my life.
shower you with care.
let you bully me all my life.
takecare of you all my life.
cook dinner for you when you come home from work(in future)
fetch you from work.
give you a massage when you need one.
give you a kiss and say good morning every morning.
hugg you to sleep everynight.
do anything you want me to.
ilu*

confession time. iloveyou.

2005-03-14T04:29:00.000+08:00

[edited version]

this is an invasion.

and i want to take this time to confess tad sometimes she bully me. and i seem to be bullying her most of the times.

and now i feel really bad bout it. she is like not feeling really well now. but she is in her dreamland. pigging out in her dreams. and here i'm awake. cos i was like doing some research. totally. i feel so so bad. cos she is really not feeling well and she is sick. yet she accompanied me for almost the whole night after her work. *huggs* but i still like bully her and keep making her. bleahs. i feel so guilty now. like really guilty.
guess she must have feel really terrible *poutsies*

i'm such a bad gurlfren ): *cries*

baby. i'm really sorry okayys. even though you say you let me bully you for my whole life. yet no no.cannot la. i let you bully me la. i feel really bad can. *cries* i guess i really understand how you feel.somemore you are sick. *frowns* heart aching now. *cries even more* i called you twice and you never pick the phone.

gosh dammitt. there is a fly in my room. and i cant kill it. *screams* it is like really late now. and i bet you will flip if you know i still haven sleep yet. think you will be like in shock and say wadd!!! *oppsies* i cant sleep and you are pigging out. but i cant be selfish and like make you dun sleep and talk to me. this will be like really unfair la.

*gives you a call* its ringing. its ringing. okayys. no one is picking up. you pick up the line. gosh gosh.going to scream. i regreted calling you. ugh. * bish me* ahhh. whie you pick up. i want a big huggie to sleep. but i cant have it. cos you are at home. did i like spoil your sweet dream. damn. i'm such a bitch.

baby. always remember this. wadeva i do.i always love you. dun misinterpret or let jealousy get into your head. cos in this lifetime. i only want to love you. as long as you let me. i will love you as long as you want me to. *hees.

just put down the line.you are coughing like so badly.sighness. you have to get wel soon.i hope and i pray.

you are my simplication in life. ilu

2005-03-13T02:24:00.000+08:00

i'm invading your blog now. *teehees* you cant blog so i help you blog lo. i'm so helpful yea? lalalas. i love you my other half. you are my teddiee (: haas. dun want to call you piggeh lehh. cos i also a lil oinkie. *oinkie*

i love you.

i'll continue tomorrow.

imissyouiloveyousomuch.

2005-03-02T10:55:00.000+08:00

got to work till 9pm today.
not meeting my baby today.
I am already missing her larh..
wonder how am I going to survive.
*cries*

don't want her to travel so far jus to pei me for an hour or so.
I will heart pain larrhh...
then her transport oso will be very high.

haiz..
I know you are not okay with your results.
you have to let your father have some hope of you getting into a poly.
but you know its impossible.
I know you are feeling terrible.
but I can't do anything.
I want to see you smile again with no worries.

baby, don't worry, I am here right by your side.
you will never be alone okay.

baby...
imissyousomuch.
Iamgonnaloveyoutilltheend.

*//yes, I really am in love with this girl of mine.

you are my wonderful lover.

2005-02-23T23:41:00.000+08:00

sorry baby, for breaking my promise
I will not do it le.
I promise you this again.
believe me okay?

damn tired.
wkrz 91.3 is playing crazy baby!!!
weee!

baby..
I really love you.
so so much.
my friend once told me..
its very easy for a girl to become a passive, but its very easy for a passive to turn straight.
I am jus afraid you will one day leave me for a guy larr.
anyway...I will jus treasure my everyday with you.

because if one day...
if....
I can still thank god that I had a chance to love you.

i am missing you badly..

I love you.

I never want to see you go.
I never want you to leave.
I will never let you go.
I will never let you go.

i want to hugg you to sleep.

silently I cry.

2005-02-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

wat can I say.
wat can I do.
my brain went blank.

drifting apart.
don't want her.
she can't feel that I really love her.

do hear my heart breaking?
do see my tears falling?
do see me staring blankly?
do you feel me feeling broken?
do you see me?

if you say so.
if you say so.
if you say so.

roaming in the dark silently.
I see no one around me.
feel no one holding on to my hand once again.
cause no one can feel my love.
I am filled with nothing.

roaming in the dark silently, I cry.....

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

once again...
once again...

baby, I really love you..
why can't you feel it?
why?

I am no player.
I love you truefully.
I love you.
really I do.

have you read them?
have you?
its already 12.33am.

I feel pain.
I feel it...
this feeling is so familiar.

I am silent.

I am jus made myself feel better...
I miss you..
do you?
clueless..

I miss you baby..

and

I really love you.
why can't you feel it?

sinking back into depression.

*//wat am I made up of - you.

I went psycho at 12.29am

2307.

2005-02-16T23:33:00.000+08:00

its 11.37pm.
we are supposed to bathe together at 11.
and you still haven bathe!!!
baby!!

I got tail.
wee!!
got free haircut..
the advantage of working in a saloon.
hahaha

listening to techno..
its been long.
today reach home quite early larrh
damn boredd...
I miss my laopo..
I want to hugg hugg her...

friday is always the day I look forward to.
because that day, I will be with my baby the whole day.

I ain't going to go pao mei mei.
I will not go find other cha bor
I will not leave you
a lifetime is a lifetime.

ilu*

igiveyoumyhandandsayido.

2005-02-09T00:26:00.000+08:00

wee. happy new year laogong.
wateva tad you type on my blog is like super sweet cann.
as i read it. i teared.
to such a sweet person how can i say no.

i'm glad to have such a sweet person to call mine *teehees*

i love you* and you know tad you'll neva lose me.cos i'm here to stay.
you are really so sweet la. i'm really speechless.

of course.
i'm willing to spend the rest of my life wid you.
i want to hold your hand and never let go.
i want to hugg you and guide you thru whenever you are depress.
i want to poke you and act silly to make you smile when your face is black.

but most importantly.
is tad i want you.

chase.

2005-02-08T11:23:00.000+08:00

Having you

Even if ordinary,

but the most important

Only you

Will call me as if the most important in a crowd

Good times

Even if there is not much

One minute, so what

I will spend it with you

I have not spent it in vain

A lot of crazy loving

Even more mistakes

Like being able to do it once more

I will say

For you I hope to

Be able to make a mistake in advance

Having you

Even if I am in a sound sleep

I will be smiling...

Enough.

2005-01-30T01:38:00.000+08:00

*29/01/05*

I am happy.

with you by my side.

enough said.

nothing matters more than you.

to me, " I love you" is not a phrase I say to anyone...

I only say it to my love...

dau:"baby, I love you. I only say for you".

invasion beams

2005-01-27T02:43:00.000+08:00

*grins
-sorry invading in process now-

you are on the phone wid me now. can you here me typing? *bangs my keyboard* teehees. OH NO! you are sleeping cann. i can hear you breathing. aiya. it is late le. so i dun blame you.
you la. make me cry. i tell you a secret kies. this is seem like the first time i miss someone till i cry. sorry tad i bluff you i got flu cann. cos i dun want you to worry. but you know le. *huggs you.

baby hubbiee.
i waited all my life and i've found you.
ever wondered whiee i hold onto your hand and smiled at you?
ever wondered whiee i can just gaze at you and smile?
cos i want to give a close look at the person i place my heart and life to.

your hand.
the only pair of hand i wanna hold fer the rest of my lifetime.

i know. because of me.
you tire yourself.
always going to extra mile.
waking up early and coming over to my place to pick me.
though i always niam you fer being late.
but deep in my heart.
i really dun mind waiting fer you.
cos i'm prepared to wait fer you fer the rest of my life.

simply reason.
you are the person tad could make me feel butterflies in my stomach.
you are the person tad could make me blush.
you are the person tad gives me love and happiness.

and i want to tad person in your life tad lets you know how much she loves you and want you.

here i stand. guarding my heart for you.till death do us part.

u s e l e s s .

2005-01-26T13:45:00.000+08:00

many things happened over this one month.
our first month.
never really quarrel.
we always managed to talk things out instead of flaring up.
if it was last time, I would have flared up long ago.
but to you* my baby wifey, I dun why I can't even flare up.
my lack of confidence and over sensitive personality cause me to do stupid things.

jus afraid that you will leave me
jus afraid that you will turn ur back and walk away.
jus afraid that history will repeat.
jus afraid.

*babywifey*

you are the most dearest to me. yes you are. my world is really only for you and me.
no one else. my world now revolves around only you. do you feel secure with me?
I hope you are. I will gain my confidence back. I will stop being such a jerk. I will love you till death do us part.
love you like there is no tomorrow.
and yes.

I t r u e l y l o v e y o u t i f f a n y.

babyhubbie love babywifey eternity.

reality.

2005-01-21T01:59:00.000+08:00

got my pay at last..
not much..
today is my last day of work at cartel.
seriously, I am very sad to leave the place.
the people.
both bad and good.
I learned something from each of them.
like one big family.
almost teared when i punched out my card.
not going to use that again I suppose so.
I really miss the times.
them.
tears did well up my eyes when everyone said bye to me.
"all the best"
I wanted to cry.
almost.
tears almost flow out my eyes outside 7 11.
old hanging out place before and after work.
fag.
closed my eyes.
just memories.

-baby-
no way I am going to let you go.
anyone dares to come close, will get nothing but my hot headed devil act.
no one comes close.
dun tell me to let you go.
dun tell me to find someone else.
I won't
I don't want.
I love you only.
so much.

//iammissingyourightnow-2.07am 21/1/05

dahlia

2005-01-21T01:40:00.000+08:00

Destiny
Alive
Heaven
Love
Innocence
Always
Destroy
Aftermath
Hell
Life
Infinite

myloveforyouwouldbreakmyheart
No No No
No way to change my heart
I still wanna be in the endless blue verse

dry your tears with love
tears
For now I will try to live for you and for me
I will try to live with love, with dreams,
and forever with tears.

let me drain my feelings out
lought like a drain
my emotions scream
let me dream.

body and soul is blown up into pieces

by X japan.

i'm afraid of losing you *07

2005-01-19T02:20:00.000+08:00

invading time *screams*
ah booh. this is me here. and guess who's blog i'm invading now? haas. okayys. i'm invading my hubbiees blog.
i'm type my blog heading le. something which i always wanted to say.

surprise surprise. i'm here to blog.
i get to spent the whole day wid my baby hubbiee today (:
the first time i saw you. my heart startled.
the first time i danced wid you. my mind got upside down.
the first time i saw you dance, i adore you.
the first time i saw you smug, i felt like pinching.

whenever i glance at the stars, i tell the stars in my dreams tad i really cant afford to lose you.
you see.
i'm a pretty insecure girl.
its not you.
but me.

i may not be tad good in my words.
you're the gurdian angel in my life.
when you are in the darkest corner, i'll be there to hold you hand and find a way.

if i could arrange the stars in a way to pass you a message to you through the vast skies.
you could look up at the sky and see the fading stars tad say i love you tonight.
i'm on my knees today.
cos, i want you to know this. tad i love you so much tad i dun care wad pride is.
cos without you, i dun need pride at all.
cos you are my pride.
being with you is something tad i'm glad i've chose.

in my life, i made thousand and one totally wrong choices.
and i looked back and tears upon the mistakes and regrets i've made.
but this choice i made to be with you fer a lifetime.
is something tad i wont ever regret.
cos i know deep down in me.
you occupy my whole heart.
and i cant occupy another one.

and i need not too.
cos you are all i need (:

*iloveyoumybabyhubbiee

-zero.seven-

Be with you.

2005-01-18T01:57:00.000+08:00

The miracle that I met you...the edge of happiness.

The miracle that I met you the thing that we believed
My heart shivering at every single moment
Nothing to block the path on this road that leads to you
Now I pray I can bundle this love and deliver all to you

The moment I felt the shimmering life that envelops
The joy and sorrow that came when I realised this love for you
The weakness when one can't live alone felt so dear
I held your hand.

The miracle that I met you...the edge of happiness
From here, together, keeping our hearts close
Nothing to block the path on this road that leads to you
Now, bundling all the love I have....

I give them all to you..

alone...

Tu sais, je t'aime

iloveyou*

I'll will find you if you go missing, I'll walk behind you if there is still ur shadow, I''ll run after you if you are running away.I'll hug you tight

2005-01-13T01:25:00.000+08:00

just having met you, just having loved you,
having shared our thoughts...
from now untill forever...
I should think of you as proof that I live
without taking my eyes off of truth and reality.

just having met you, just having loved you,
having shared my thoughts with you,
from now untill forever..
thank you...

somewhere I falsely learned
what true happiness is.
I'm going to stop paying attention to what others say.
The eternity in which I move closer
to your lips is something I've never seen, but
if its us two, I think we can believe it
because we are not alone anymore.

Love doesn't have to end for everyone
like a long night finally breaking into dawn
I believe in myself, take one step forward,
and I feel like I can go anywhere...

as long as you* are by my side.

ilu* baby.
my wifey.
you are stuck with me like I am stuck with you.
for a lifetime.

I'll always be yours.

2005-01-09T11:31:00.000+08:00

blogggg.
its been days since I last bloggg

this whole week, everyday I get to meet my baby.
had great time with her everyday.
but time seems to pass so fast.
the whole of this week, baby came to pick me up after work.
then we would always slack from one place to another.

praying for friday to faster come larr.
and yup, it did.
we went monks.
boreddd cann...
the dj jus sucks larr.
no mood to dance anyway.
not feeling well.
baby oso coughing badly.
after monks we went golden to eat.
then cab back to baby's hse.

*i feel comfortable when you are ard me. your presence made me sleep with ease.
before you appear in my life, all i could do is cry myself to sleep.
my face isn't this sweet when i am asleep then. then, you came, i feel loved. I love you.
And I hope urs is the last pair of hands I would hold. ilu*

//I will want to hold you till the end. ilu*

I jus want to be with you.

2005-01-08T04:16:00.000+08:00

I jus want to be with you*
=)

ilu*

I found my way through, I found my way to you.

2005-01-02T14:39:00.000+08:00

spent the whole of friday, sat and whole sunday morning with ma baby.
on friday.
went monks.
not allowed to drink.
cause ian dun allow. =(
fag heavily.
had fun with baby.
but some things happened.
as usual.
hope they will be fine.
hope mich will be fine.
yu xin and alicia oso went down a while.
jie jie hugged me and cry.
I was so shock.
she cried, saying she lost her wallet.
her LV walllet.
*doh*
*huggs jie jie*

after monks, went to baby's hse.
mich, wenny and me.
mich cried.
hiaz.
late in the afternoon..
me and baby woke up.
decided to go see wenny's dog before going to kay and ja's chalet.
at the chalet..
okay larr...
quite fun.
drank some vodka.

alrightt..
here comes the big news.
my mom knows that i fag.
*doh* can
haiyo...
went home smelling like fag..
hiaz..

[tiffi-*//my love]
I totally enjoyed these short period of time together with you.
I like the way you tugged me and call me baby.
act like a little child.
it jus work larr.
you win..
I like the way you dance.
the way our body are held close together.
I like it when we hugg.
I love you as you.
I am totally not thinking about the past.
I love you tiffany hue.
only you.

I moved on with a broken heart.
healed it and became stronger.
walked on with a new begining.
walked on with a new attitude.

instead of moving on straight.
living under the shadows of the past.
are you truely happy now?
ask yourself.

I can tell you I am truely happy.
cause i am not living under your shadow.
I am living under the bright sun.
she makes me feel warmth.
she made me feel loved.
she made me feel that love can be so heavenly sweet.
she made me taste the sweetness of her lips.
the warmth a just a simple hug.

do you feel the same as I do?
do you understand wat true love is?

-*//thank god you passed by my fucked up life. made me feel loved. alive.
you make me go mad over the slightest movement that you make.
I jus want to last long with you.
as long as possible.
that's all I asked for.

should I or should I not?

2004-12-28T13:47:00.000+08:00

should I take the step?
I know who I want.

I feel like moving on.
but frankly, I am afraid.
I need to be ensured.

will you be mine tonight?
i need to have a talk with ur king.
*walks off thinking*

dau-

watever lar. watever.

2004-12-28T13:22:00.000+08:00

watever larr.
go meet them watever.

I am afraid.
each time you go out with them,
you will become a dar* I dun know.
jus like I dun know who claud is now.
she changed.
dun you feel, realise,see?

can you jus tell me how you feel exactly?
why must you tell me stuff this way when you meant the other way?
can't you jus tell me straight?
if you meet jus tell me...
dun keep telling me to dun meet you.
I very lost...

// u made me go on a wild ride, i lost my way, and then i met her, and fell in love with her.

cold, silently I scream.

2004-12-27T03:07:00.000+08:00

3.17 am
I am blogging.
jus put down the phone with alicia dar*

yup.
now online talking silly's darling.
*doh*
I am maddd.

[alicia dar*]
I promise not to cut myself k.
miss you.
*huggs-

[tiffanyy dar*]
you will not be alone k.
dun you dare go on disappearing act arr...
or I swear I will....
and will....

next time in the night, you won't be alone
cause I won't leave you alone.
=)

[rachel*]
I am so sorry.

//i want to break free. but something keeps my vision blur for me to run away without hurting.

shucks*

2004-12-26T15:10:00.000+08:00

I broke one's heart.
her heart so kind but fragile.
so sorry.
so sorry.
I feel that I should not be with you now.
first, you nv see wat I was like at monks.
I am a flirt larr k.
they say I am not because I am att at that time.
but now I am not, this is the way I am.
its unfair to you.
I would have hurt you more.

dar...
everytime when I sense your unhappiness..
there is little I can do.
I know u're unhappy, but I dun know the reason behind ur unhappiness.
I see tears behind ur smile..
I can't do anything.
jus wanna let you know that, I am here k.
always will be...

okayyy... I am so lost.
so so lost...
i see more than one.
I have feelings for more than one.
how?
one tells me she likes me.
another, I dun know larr.
I need my penknife..

I'm so lost inside.

2004-12-26T01:51:00.000+08:00

I miss you.
but I dun have the courage to do anything.

its not her I want to be with.
the whole day I thought of you.
even when you are around.

I really regret going out to meet pb they all..

sorry dar*....
I can promise you that I will be everywhere for you.
you won't be alone.
cause I won't let you be.=)
my heart really hurts when I see you sad.
thats why my heart aches yesterday when I see you.
sorry dar..

I realised the me is back, the me before I met her.

2004-12-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

alrighttt.
I am changing.
becoming a flirt once again.

I find myself slowing down, looking back, moving back, walking back.
I am hurting.
I can't free myself.
can I?
how?

I am falling for more than one.
am I going play around again?
someone, grab me.
tie me down and teach me to be a good boy again.

-dau-

2004-12-18T17:26:00.000+08:00

I am mad.
yesterday...on the 18 of dec, friday.
went out to meet alicia dar and mai.
walked aimlessly in town.
yanzi was in town!
hahaha.

after went to meet ruth and her friend.
met at taka there.
looked up jie jie[yu xin],and gong at work.
went to look for gong first.
but she was late for late
haha.
so went to look for jie.
we all decided to go monks.

then we headed off to far east to have my hair cut!!
yeah!!
at last....i look neater now.
walked back to cine.
slack at long john,ate combo 1.
wait for jie jie and gong to get off work.

msged mabel.
she oso at cine.
so we decided to meet up a while.
met outside cheers.
talked a while.
then she headed off to monks first.
we slack outside cheers waiting for gong.
gaf!!!
wahahaha.
wa lau. die larrr.

went monks.
got in free!!
hahah
got our ways.
*wink*
music was alright larr..
but was tired.
danced with ma darling a little
danced with jie jie a little.
then dar's father came to fetch them.
so we left quite early...
took NR.
reached home ard 3.
alrigghttttt.
boredddd.

maplingggg
-dau-

I hate stress.

2004-12-15T13:12:00.000+08:00

woke up at 11.10am.
watched mvp valentine.
basketball!!!

boreddd.

yesterday at work, I do DB.
and I am like so longggggg nv go in DB le leh.
scared.
stressed.
hahaha.
but lucky yesterday not much order.
so still can ta han.
got ju help me with some of the orders.
hahaha.
yesterday closing was damn late larr.
reached home ard 2am.
tired.
damn tireddd.

she go malaysia le.
miss her.
I oso dun know why I still think of her.
I even dream of her three days in a row.
of us still together.
these dreams are so real.

ahhh!!!!!!
fuck care.
lalalala
hahaha.

enough blogginggg.
will be back later.
back to tv!

//some say dreams are the opposite of reality. some say dreams may come true. so which is which?

why the hell am I waking up so early?

2004-12-14T08:54:00.000+08:00

the time now is 8.55am.
and here I am awake, blogging.
wtf.
I oso dun know why I cannot get back to sleep.
had a dream yesterday again.
or should i say nightmare?
shall not talk about it larr.
woke up with tears in my eyes.
want to know what I dreamed of?
I shall tell you in your dreams.
lol.
I think I am mad.
my eyes lids are getting heavier.

shall be back later.

DAUSER back to her beauty sleep.
*snores*

A nice day at work.

2004-12-14T01:44:00.000+08:00

work work work.
started work at 6 pm.
but reached ps early.
so the bunch of us gathered outside 7 11.
do what?
the usual larr.
wat else can we do when we are outside 7 11.

6.02pm.
was late for 2 mins.
nvm larr.
hahaha.

today do host.
BORINGGG.
crowd was alright today larr.

got one bunch of ppl.
or shld I say in the bunch of ppl there is one bitch.
she bitched me ard.
wat fuck!
fucking hell.

end work at 10pm.
time passed fast..
but slacked outside 7 11 again.
went back to cartel slacked again.
helped with a little closing.
left for home ard 11.30pm.

oh ya!!
today my alicia dar sick.
but she came down ps to look for ma and look for a job at ps.=)

dar. takecare of urself k. get well soon. =)

I dreamed a dream.

2004-12-13T13:08:00.000+08:00

I had a dream last night....

I dreamed of her.
the two of us.
jus like we were still in love.
on a bed.
I hugged her tight.
she hugged me tight.
we talked.
whispering into each other's ear.
I realised she was crying.
I touched her face, wiped off the tears.
asked her why.

her reply was wat I always wanted to hear.
"I was afraid of losing you"

I smiled.
kissed her forehead and tell her I love her.
"I love you so much"

she smiled.
and fall asleep in my arms once more.
I did not close my eyes to sleep.
I looked at her.
at her peaceful face, looking like a baby, so pure.

all dreams have to come to an end.
brightness filled my eyes,
I could not bare to open my eyes.
but my eyes was forced open by the sharp pain.

I saw daylight.
and lying beside me was no one.

I dreamed a dream....
a dream of her so beautiful...

I can only be with her in my dreams.

but I am contented enough.

I want to tell you something.
I will tell you when I meet you in my dreams.

heartache

2004-12-12T13:38:00.000+08:00

-dauser jus woke up-

on laptop.
went to the toilet to wash up.
ate my roti prata.
fuLLLL!

talking to ruyi online.
someone msg lex and told her all of ruyi's frens hate her.
okayy. whoever it is. dun do that.
ruyi is hating me because of this.
she made her choice.
we can't do anything.
jus wish her all the best.
she said that the more her frens help her, the more she dun want to be be with me.
but watever larr.
she made her choice and I made mine.

[ ruyi...I,dauser, swear to everyone reading this blog that I will not do anything to harm you or lex.
do nothing to break the two of you all up. I am really happy for you. but........if lex shang hai dao ni,
I am sure I will do something. and I can tell you, its not only me alone. all the best and give urself lots of confidence. be happy with what you have now.=)]

have to work today...
boredd.
but at least my mind can be kept busy.
oh no!
no more sticks for today.
gonna buy later.=)

ja neh!

crucify my love

2004-12-12T13:26:00.000+08:00

crucify my love, if my love is blind
crucify my love, if it sets me free
never know, never trust
that love should see a colour
crucify my love, if it should be that way

swing the heartache feel it inside out
when the wind cries, I'll say good-bye
tried to learn tried to find
to reach out for eternity
where is the answer?
is this forever?

like a river flowing to the sea
You'll be miles away and I will know
I know I can deal with the pain
no reason to cry

crucify my love,if my love is blind
crucify my love, if it sets me free
never know, never trust
that love should see a colour
crucify my love, if it should be that way

till the loneliness shadows the sky
I'll be sailing down and I will know
I know I can clear clouds away
Oh is it a crime to love?

swing the heartache feel it inside out
when the wind cries I'll say good-bye
tried to learn tried to find to reach out for eternity
where is the answer?
is this forever?

"If my love is blind
crucify my love if it sets me free
never know, never trust
that love should see a colour
crucify my love if it should be that way"

X Japan

dancing all night long with a stick in my hand.

2004-12-11T18:57:00.000+08:00

whole afternnon slack at home on 10 of december.
went to meet ednes,kazaf,ben,doreen and esther at paragon.
waiting for chuting to get off work.

after that, we went to taxi stand with doreen to fetch her darling kyan.
doreen, kyan,ben,kazaf and me head of to monks first to drink free flow.
ednes chuting they all went to eat.

at monks.....
manage to get in without ic as and 18 year old.
wahaha. all thanks to kazaf help.
ben and zaf went in monks to get free flow.
kyan,doreen and ma stayed outside.
I drank my hoegarden.
wOoo. hot man!

ben came out a bit drunk.
he drank 7 cups of free flow lor!!
came out a drank heiniken.
okayy.
so he is drunk for the rest of the night.
mumbling funny things all the way.
hiaz.
he is so upset over things with huiting.

*ben ben ar. be strong. if you want to learn from ednes, you have to start from being able to take things the cool way.
like ednes told me, if that person has no longer feelings for you, you jus have to ren zhu na ke tong and walk on. cheer up ben.*

ard 1 plus, we went in to dance a little bit.
went up the bar top.
dance a litttle but was told to get down.=(
dance to a little techno and R&B.
watched hot babes doing their moves.
hott!!!!

reached home ard 9 plus today.
bathe,eat roti prata, watched a little tv.
sleeppp.

until now.
jus woke up.
online.
blogged.

dauser. =)

I am enjoying the freedomof being single.

2004-12-10T17:37:00.000+08:00

being single...hmm..
means I can flirt with whoever.
go out with babes and have fun.
nothing serious.
jus pure fun.

being back to my old self.
walk ard in town checking out the babes.
giving them the waves.
smile at them.
flirt.
hell yeah I am living back the old me.

taking my time looking for the another her, but..on the way I shall have lots of fun.

//see the real me.

a day at home.

2004-12-10T15:53:00.000+08:00

slept at 2.o4am.
woke up at 11.30am.
watched tv.
when online.
boringgg!!

1.20pm---> decided to go back to sleepp.
jus woke up.
ben called me.
I think ednes call her to call me bah.
call dunno for wat.
hahaha
funny.
meaningless.

decided to blogg larr..
wat the hell.
I need to go out!!!
argh!!
but all my darlings are either in school or working.
=(

[alicia dar*] dun need to feel alone. you are not alone gurl.
you have frens. and I am one of them alright. cheer up, I would be sad if you are sad k.
cry if you want to. dun let it stop till you are better.
take good care of yourself. I am, and will be there or anywhere for you.=)

//something seems to be missing in my life, but I have no clue what is it.

realised.

2004-12-09T11:23:00.000+08:00

Dun know what happened to us.
But I want to be ur friend.
at least as ur fren I can stil care for you.
yes. maybe I did not appreciate you.
but not throughout this relationship.
I am not going to say more.
its all over.
pointless.
I jus want to be your friend.

as for your friends, as long as you have made ur decision,
you dun have to be bothered by what they say.
I did not ask them to tell you all those stuff.
so dun blame me.

and peeps.
I did not cut for her.
those who know me well knows I am like that.
I like the feeling of it.
hahaha.
suicidal, mad, violent, sadistic.
so dun blame her for anything.

I will lead my own life.
and she will lead hers.
I will only play the role of her friend and be there for her.
=)

enough of blogging!!!
tv!!!
=D

new bloggie!!!!!

2004-12-08T10:19:00.000+08:00

*woof*

new bloggie for doggie.

done by maye!

thank you so much maye!

=)

went back to work yesterday.
I feel the love in cartel.
they are a bunch of great people.
so great.
when I entered cartel, stuart asked me if I am alright, and asked if my hands were better,pat on my head and called me silly.
happy to see ian.
happy to see bling.
happy to see jus everyone.
everybody asked if I am alright.
I really am. =)
nikki gave me a hug.
asked me what happened to my hand.
I jus kept quiet.
I longed for a hug like that since you left.

The funny thing is...
my cuts aren't for her.
actually I dun know.
depression session again I guess.
hahaha.
I am a suicidal kid.
dun mess with ma if you dun know how to deal with my violence.

//the picture of you was once so beautiful, but now, its ruined, not by others, but by yourself.

my new song.

and so i hate you.

they are

more than words.

how life can jus fuck me up real good.-grins-

my life.

broken dreams.

its a no way.

getting my mind of you.

my love.

I have something to say.

I am going psycho.

bad move.

one last moment between us.

think.

fucked up, fuck off, fuck it all.

I wanna cry.

I cant feel myself.

you are my life, my soul, my gurL.

its waiting to go back to its owner.

till the end.

hear this song.

like water vapour, pieces of me vanished into thin air.

confused.

dancing all night long in the arms of an angel

life is screwed up for me.

silent whisper.

simple life.

4/1/05, friday.

to you*-once so special, and wil always be.

Ever free.

happy today.

pointless.

lost.

youmakemewannaholdyouinthemiddleofthenight.

confession time. iloveyou.

you are my simplication in life. ilu

imissyouiloveyousomuch.

you are my wonderful lover.

silently I cry.

2307.

igiveyoumyhandandsayido.

chase.

Enough.

invasion *beams*

u s e l e s s .

reality.

dahlia

i'm afraid of losing you *07

Be with you.

I'll will find you if you go missing, I'll walk behind you if there is still ur shadow, I''ll run after you if you are running away.I'll hug you tight

I'll always be yours.

I jus want to be with you.

I found my way through, I found my way to you.

should I or should I not?

watever lar. watever.

cold, silently I scream.

shucks*

I'm so lost inside.

I realised the me is back, the me before I met her.

I hate stress.

why the hell am I waking up so early?

A nice day at work.

I dreamed a dream.

heartache

crucify my love

dancing all night long with a stick in my hand.

I am enjoying the freedomof being single.

a day at home.

realised.

new bloggie!!!!!

invasion beams